what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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