I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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