I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
