my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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