captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
