just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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