a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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