Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
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You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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