How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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