I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
