i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize