im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
