Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
