Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
