I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
