Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
