Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
