OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
