my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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