I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
