I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
