i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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