So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
