Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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