I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
