I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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