maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
