why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize