So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
