I just pynch a tree in the face
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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