2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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