I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
