Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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