obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
