I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
