You're so nebulous sometimes
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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