She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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