Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
