Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
