i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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