I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
