Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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