FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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