I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
