Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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