I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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