"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
