Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
