The maid of honor just puked.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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