his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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