You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
