Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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