I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
