This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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