Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
