fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
