I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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