summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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