Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
