i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
