No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
