i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
