I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
