omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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