Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
