I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!