Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?