Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?

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  (850): Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up? http://tfl.nu/shrn
  Replies (71) Good night (709) Bad night (3873)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Since when do you wear a bracelet?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs

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  (508): Since when do you wear a bracelet? (603): Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs http://tfl.nu/cgne
  Replies (11) Good night (5843) Bad night (824)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.

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  (615): He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick. http://tfl.nu/ib3l
  Replies (23) Good night (1299) Bad night (8033)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.

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  (570): Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high. http://tfl.nu/0v2t
  Replies (35) Good night (6839) Bad night (1474)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"

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  (603): You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!" http://tfl.nu/jokx
  Replies (9) Good night (5128) Bad night (1083)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?

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  (817): I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding? http://tfl.nu/zuv6
  Replies (29) Good night (4887) Bad night (2383)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid

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  (405): I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid http://tfl.nu/bd90
  Replies (6) Good night (1282) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me

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  (732): I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me http://tfl.nu/pe15
  Replies (7) Good night (967) Bad night (2046)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.

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  (678): Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago. http://tfl.nu/b245
  Replies (13) Good night (1654) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck

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  (412): I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck http://tfl.nu/1t6b
  Replies (16) Good night (927) Bad night (1402)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.

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  (+44): You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality. http://tfl.nu/86pw
  Replies (4) Good night (1040) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  family traditions my good sir

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  (773): I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel. (810): family traditions my good sir http://tfl.nu/vuky
  Replies (7) Good night (756) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on

  (226): View more from Ontario

  Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see

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  (519): I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on (226): Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see http://tfl.nu/q9aq
  Replies (1) Good night (827) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.

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  (864): Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation. http://tfl.nu/p5up
  Replies (3) Good night (388) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.

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  (609): I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy. http://tfl.nu/ma5s
  Replies (1) Good night (483) Bad night (231)

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