I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
