JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.