worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban