so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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