Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
