I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
