And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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