oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
