we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
