he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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