going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
