you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
