I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
